Why are we so afraid to address mental illness in the black community?

Picture downloaded from Hannah Eko site.

Why are we so afraid to address mental illness in the black community?

I am so disheartened with the way people with mental illness are perceived. The label crazy is like a one size fits all to anyone and everyone that has mental issues.

I do not understand why ‘us” the African American community still find it so hard to face the fact that mental illness is a thing.

It is not the devil taking over someone’s mind but an actual illness that impacts the brain like any other ailment that impacts the body.

I was facing a lot this past year , anxiety and depression , it was very much overwhelming and what I heard was “ you have to pray” “you cannot let the enemy get in your head”. As those words flew from people lips I was screaming in my own head, I have prayed, and prayed. I have screamed and prayed, I have fallen to my knees and prayed. I have prayed until snot dripped onto my chin, I have prayed until my eyes were red, and I got up still feeling the same way. I have chanted, I have meditated and I was still anxious and sad.

I needed more than prayer, I needed help but I was afraid because I did not want to seem weak. I was embarrassed. I did not want to be looked down upon as if I could not handle something as simple as depression and anxiety. Even though, it is not simple at all.

I did not feel comfortable with telling many people my current mind state but then I became angry because I felt like , why am I hiding?

Why do I feel ashamed?

I then realized why I felt ashamed, because in the black community , I am not saying it is only the black community that has issues with facing mental illness but it is the only community that I am around majority of the time, we are not into psychologist, psychiatrist, into meds.. we still feel like a chemical imbalanced mind is a mind taken over by the devil, by demons.

Many of us hide our issues because we do not want to hear dismissive statements that do not help but hurt. When someone tell you -you have to be strong, it’s like telling a person that is drowning, oh ,you just have to swim. You feel like screaming W.T.F ! Depression, anxiety, bi polar disorder, schizophrenia , de-realization, is not for the weak. It has to do with chemicals in your brain, neurotransmitters that can up your serotonin or lower , it can up your dopamine or lower , there is more information on this and I will put in a link to understand how different illnesses is a physical thing. It is a chemical imbalance.

I am not saying it just develops out of no where , there are many reasons why mental illness occur , it can be hereditary, environmental, the foods you eat, tragic events, childhood trauma…

There was an article written and posted on this website , it stated;

Depression is more than just feeling “down.” It is a serious illness caused by changes in brain chemistry. Research tells us that other factors contribute to the onset of depression, including genetics, changes in hormone levels, certain medical conditions, stress, grief or difficult life circumstances.

We have to realize that 1 and 4 people will deal with some type of mental issue in their lives. Around 450 million people currently suffer from such conditions, placing mental disorders among the leading causes of ill-health and disability worldwide. ( this information was provided by

Many children face mental illness actually “Mental health disorders are the most common diseases of childhood. Of the 74.5 million children in the United States, an estimated 17.1 million have or have had a psychiatric disorder1 — more than the number of children with cancer, diabetes, and AIDS combined. This was reported by

There is so much data out there and I believe the more we learn the more we can look out for signs and symptoms in our children, our siblings, our friends , our family etc.

Also the more you learn about the different mental illness the more compassionate you may become towards people who may seem sad all the time, or talk to themselves, or always have to wash their hands fifty million times , or have to line up food a certain way or never want to leave the house , or see things that you may not see. If you gain some knowledge on some of the mental issues people may face “we” the black community may not look at is being taboo.

Maybe we can help that mother who seems like she just don’t want to be bothered but instead she is going through post partum psychosis , maybe if we see a child screaming and acting out , we will not just say, he/she need his/her ass whooped and realize he/she may have a mental issue that needs to be addressed.

We need to take the negative stigma out of seeking help and also out of taking prescribed medicine because they may save you or the person that you love. Suicide is not done by weak people its done by hopeless people, people who feel like they have no way out of the darkness.

Please if you get nothing else out of this post , please just remember this…if you are a sufferer of any type of mental illness do not be ashamed. Seek help if you feel like you do not feel right, talk to people even if you feel uncomfortable , someone eventually will lead you in the right direction.

One more thing if you feel like all hope is gone , please be patient and hold on!

If you feel suicidal I have provided hotline numbers and websites address below.

suicide prevention hotline 1-800-273-8255


Countries, USA, International Suicide Prevention Directory



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National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 📞 800-273-TALK (8255) 📞 TTY: 800-799-4TTY (4889)

Asian American Suicide Prevention and Education 📞 877-990-8585 (Cantonese, Mandarin, Japanese, Korean, and Fujianese)

Boys Town Suicide and Crisis Line (for teens/parents/families) 📞 800-448-3000 Text, Chat Email:

Lifeline Crisis Chat 1:1 Online Chat: (12:00 pm – 12:00 am EST)

Crisis Text Line Text 741741 Facebook:

Kristin Brooks Hope Center 📞 1.800.SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) Facebook Twitter

IMAlive Crisis Chat

Vet2Vet Veterans Crisis Hotline 📞 1-877-VET-2-VET (838-2838)

Dysfunctional Relationships: Why do we stay in them so long?

Woman sneaking out of mans bedroom



Hello everyone and I thank you so much for taking time out of your busy lives to read my blog I hope you find it insightful!

Now, when I began my first blog I spoke to the idea that sometimes the reasons why we stay in dysfunctional relationships is because we attract people who can be a reflection of us or what we were brought about around , there are so many different variables to why we choose who we choose.

However; today I want to discuss the fact that sometimes our hormones play a part in why we stay in relationships or sometimes why we run away. We may meet people and we are aware they are no good for us (specifically women) but when we sleep with them thinking no big deal and then guess what happens? that oxytocin hormone rears its ugly head and has us attached to people that we would not have attached ourselves too if we would not have had sex with them.

Let me explain; Oxytocin is a hormone that resides in women and men but this hormone is higher in women. This hormone allows women to bond with their babies.

It is also coined the cuddle chemical!

So basically once a woman have sex she release high levels of OXYTOCIN.

Now not all women become attached, some women can have sex with people and not have an attachment at all. Maybe her oxytocin is low..not sure.

I guess us women have a valid excuse for loving idiots that may not love us back. well at least this is one of the reasons.

Men once they have sex they have lower levels of dopamine so that causes them to want to withdraw. I guess that and low oxytocin levels.

I guess men also have an excuse for the reasons why they may not call or have a connection after sex.  I know this does not apply to all men but this is just some insight to some of the reasons why men respond the way they do.

Learning that your hormones may impact the outcome of how you react in relationships can prepare you to really put things into perspective.

Let me give you a great example of what I am saying… I  want you to have a full understanding of what I am talking about.

 So, I knew this person , I will not name them, that met a man in a club and the man was not pleasing to the eyes and in her mind she knew that she was not interested in this person, He was just not her type. I mean he  was just not her type. She figured she would spend her time with him just to have something to do.

The time spent was cool. It was interesting but still in her mind , she did not think she would be in anything serious with him. if he called , he called and if he did not , he did not.

After a couple of months of hanging around each other but not consistently, they became intimate.

And once she became intimate with him that one time, her eyes opened up to him in a different way and she felt like , wow, he is not so bad-looking, he is nice,  his eyes are not wandering as bad as before…..I know he is looking at me, his breath only needs a couple of altoids, not the whole little container , his extra long neck makes me feel protected,  I can see myself with him. 

At this point all of her, I am not going to take him serious , thoughts turned into , shit, we go together now. 

So, when he did not call  me ,uh, I mean her, where as before it was no big deal, now it was a big deal.

She even had her friend call this man from a different number  just to make sure he was not just ignoring her when she called him, well he was doing just that ignoring her.

She absolutely felt horrible! like wait, I did not even like this man like that but now she is having a feeling of wanting him around and wanting his attention.

She was hurt and she did not know why.. She did not build anything with him and she was not really interested in him until they were intimate and as per her, the sex was not that good.

She was hurt.

She was devastated, she was finally able to reach him  after some time passed he answered the phone and  she verbally sniped his ass! After more time passed  she wandered into the memories of what happened and she did not understand why she felt so emotionally vested when she was not into him like that.

I guess her Oxytocin levels caused her to confuse sex with love.

and his low dopamine levels after sex caused him to say, nope, I am not interested any more.

I know oxytocin and dopamine levels are only one part of the puzzle as to why we do what we do in relationships but it is nice to explore why we do what we do, right?





Tyrese Gibson Twitter rant: My opinion!


Since my last blog, some call it a short story, I was trying to figure out what I was going to blog about next.

I am new to the blogging world so I was excited about continuing my blog about relationships (dysfunctional ones).

However: the relationship topic will not be discussed today. After a conversation, I had with a co-worker a couple of days ago, I decided I wanted to address/discuss the Tyrese tweet I saw in the media.

I wish I could sit down and talk to Tyrese to understand his angle. I do not know him personally but a man that speaks with such authority, a man that video tapes himself affirming with his young girl child about how great she is, a man that speaks with the intent to empower and not destroy, an author of self-help books, could not have possibly decided to reach into the childish corners of his mind and begin to waste precious energy on cyber bullying women with words because two ladies were overheard calling men stupid.

Really? This cannot be the reason. I hope this was not the reason.

That rant seemed a little remedial.

We women of color understand that natural is cool in theory.

Only if you fit the palate of the people that find you attractive can you get away with the natural look.

For centuries women of color have always been taunted about the way we look, our body shapes etc.

We try to fit in because that is what society tells us we need to do.

As soon as we go natural, nope, your hair is too nappy!
as soon as we wear weaves, nope, you need to be natural!

As soon as we are ok with the curves, nope  those are not the right curves.

We have never and will never fit the forever changing desires of a man/men in our own culture or outside of it.

In the future, I hope all that energy he put into ranting about sisters who rock weaves, fake butts, and fake eyelashes will be also directed towards his brethren as well. They need to be thrown all up and through that twitter bluster that he laid out for the world to see.

He need to have a rant about how men need to accept natural women …women with no weaves, no lashes and no fake butts.

But he needs to make sure he speaks to the fact that even the coarse haired woman with the dark skin and full lips and all natural thickness should be received.

Because we all know that Team fake is winning … I do not see nobody trying to trample over the Black Chyna’s, Kim K’s, Amberose, to get to Lupita, Solange, Jill Scott (all those women I mentioned are beautiful to me) but those natural women are not the standard.

It seems to me that everybody loves that black woman, I am not talking about the bi racial women, not the 10 percent black women but the whole black woman that is melanin dominate, with her tight coarse curls, but she is only good enough to reference but not good enough to marry, to embrace, to build a future, to bare your kids, to be deeply in love with because she does not fit the programmed image of what a man should have on his arms. Especially in celebrity world.

These are just my thoughts about what he said and I guess one day this topic will be brought up in a way to empower, to encourage, to guide because the way it was brought forward was damaging.

I am still a supporter of Tyrese because everyone is entitled to their own opinion as I am entitled to mines.

Dysfunctional Relationships: Why do we stay in them for so long?!

downloadfrompintrest  I was told by an elder one day that you are a child for such a short period of time but it has the biggest impact on your life. It did not make sense until it made sense. One day as I was fighting back tears, let me stop, while I was wiping away tears, that statement just resonated so loudly. I looked around the apartment that I was sharing with a person that seemed to remind of every other person I dealt with since I began dating. He was mean, stubborn, rude, not motivated, combative, he was a reflection of what was familiar to me.


The relationship was familiar because that is what I grew up around. I was given a blueprint for relationships and it was unhealthy. I attracted people that fit the relationship model that I grown accustomed.


So, as one day of excitement turned into 10 years of screaming , yelling, feeling unwanted, under appreciated I was through. Well, not really, I was mentally through but physically still holding on. I felt guilty and I felt responsible for him as if he was my child not my mate. He was not my husband but  a boyfriend that I made out to be more than just that. I wanted him to just LOVE ME, but I was not sure what that looked like but I knew internally it did not look like what we had.


I was friends with a female that was emotionally in-tuned and she introduced me to this book , The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz and that book really began to point me in the right direction. It was a simple read but the philosophy was so difficult to follow or apply. I guess when you are so use to one thing doing something as simple as , not taking things personal, will not change over night ( that was one of the book agreements).


After reading the Four agreements I was still desperate to fix me since I realized I could not fix him so I came across The Mastery of Love by Miguel Ruiz , the tenth year into this dysfunctional relationship I was starting to come down from this Love cloud , which seem more like a spell , that was not placed on me by a good witch. ( I do not believe in spells or witches but anyhoo you get my point) .

This book confirmed what I was feeling and I was ready!

I was ready to get out and leave the relationship behind!

I wanted to be loved differently but I did not know what that looked like!

I just wanted to stop meeting the same type of person but I needed to become different!


I wanted to know how I stayed so long in a dysfunctional relationship and the realization was I was absolutely DYSFUNCTIONAL!









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