Dysfunctional Relationships: Why do we stay in them so long?

Woman sneaking out of mans bedroom

 

 

Hello everyone and I thank you so much for taking time out of your busy lives to read my blog I hope you find it insightful!

Now, when I began my first blog I spoke to the idea that sometimes the reasons why we stay in dysfunctional relationships is because we attract people who can be a reflection of us or what we were brought about around , there are so many different variables to why we choose who we choose.

However; today I want to discuss the fact that sometimes our hormones play a part in why we stay in relationships or sometimes why we run away. We may meet people and we are aware they are no good for us (specifically women) but when we sleep with them thinking no big deal and then guess what happens? that oxytocin hormone rears its ugly head and has us attached to people that we would not have attached ourselves too if we would not have had sex with them.

Let me explain; Oxytocin is a hormone that resides in women and men but this hormone is higher in women. This hormone allows women to bond with their babies.

It is also coined the cuddle chemical!

So basically once a woman have sex she release high levels of OXYTOCIN.

Now not all women become attached, some women can have sex with people and not have an attachment at all. Maybe her oxytocin is low..not sure.

I guess us women have a valid excuse for loving idiots that may not love us back. well at least this is one of the reasons.

Men once they have sex they have lower levels of dopamine so that causes them to want to withdraw. I guess that and low oxytocin levels.

I guess men also have an excuse for the reasons why they may not call or have a connection after sex.  I know this does not apply to all men but this is just some insight to some of the reasons why men respond the way they do.

Learning that your hormones may impact the outcome of how you react in relationships can prepare you to really put things into perspective.

Let me give you a great example of what I am saying… I  want you to have a full understanding of what I am talking about.

 So, I knew this person , I will not name them, that met a man in a club and the man was not pleasing to the eyes and in her mind she knew that she was not interested in this person, He was just not her type. I mean he  was just not her type. She figured she would spend her time with him just to have something to do.

The time spent was cool. It was interesting but still in her mind , she did not think she would be in anything serious with him. if he called , he called and if he did not , he did not.

After a couple of months of hanging around each other but not consistently, they became intimate.

And once she became intimate with him that one time, her eyes opened up to him in a different way and she felt like , wow, he is not so bad-looking, he is nice,  his eyes are not wandering as bad as before…..I know he is looking at me, his breath only needs a couple of altoids, not the whole little container , his extra long neck makes me feel protected,  I can see myself with him. 

At this point all of her, I am not going to take him serious , thoughts turned into , shit, we go together now. 

So, when he did not call  me ,uh, I mean her, where as before it was no big deal, now it was a big deal.

She even had her friend call this man from a different number  just to make sure he was not just ignoring her when she called him, well he was doing just that ignoring her.

She absolutely felt horrible! like wait, I did not even like this man like that but now she is having a feeling of wanting him around and wanting his attention.

She was hurt and she did not know why.. She did not build anything with him and she was not really interested in him until they were intimate and as per her, the sex was not that good.

She was hurt.

She was devastated, she was finally able to reach him  after some time passed he answered the phone and  she verbally sniped his ass! After more time passed  she wandered into the memories of what happened and she did not understand why she felt so emotionally vested when she was not into him like that.

I guess her Oxytocin levels caused her to confuse sex with love.

and his low dopamine levels after sex caused him to say, nope, I am not interested any more.

I know oxytocin and dopamine levels are only one part of the puzzle as to why we do what we do in relationships but it is nice to explore why we do what we do, right?

 

 

 

 

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